Posted 9 hours ago

frenums:

how 2 make people feel better ft. dog

Posted 1 day ago

blacksupervillain:

obligatori:

People be wanting the character roster to be like

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Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago

jadehariey:

sukoshibot:

jadehariey:

jadehariey:

What’s the tallest buildings in your city?

THE LIBRARY BECAUSE IT HAS THE MOST STORIES 

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I can’t believe I’m being punder arrest.

Posted 1 day ago

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND

FLOOR IT?

NICK NO

HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND

NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN

I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

NICK P L E A S E

Posted 1 day ago

leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

Posted 2 days ago
toastyhat:

HAHA I CAN MAKE IT WORK IT JUST HAS TO BE TINY
screw you gifs

toastyhat:

HAHA I CAN MAKE IT WORK IT JUST HAS TO BE TINY

screw you gifs

Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago

fuckyeah-nerdery:

cranzerries:

cranzerries:

I dream to someday run a companies twitter

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Can we just talk about Smart Car doing math on how much bird shit it would take to damage their cars?

Posted 2 days ago

gildatheplant:

pomme-poire-peche:

useyourwordsasher:

cmtothemc:

theancientcistern:

omegaqueer:

thatlupa:

All it does is show me you have a superiority complex and deep rooted classist tendencies. I’ve been a waitress, a barista and a sales associate, so your talking down to others just tells me at one point you would’ve talked down to me. This guy in the queue tried to buy me a coffee today, after ripping into the guy behind the counter about his skills and his job. Don’t care what people do for a living, if you don’t treat ‘em like (very important) people when you deal with them, we can’t be friends.

"A person who is nice to you but cruel to the waiter isn’t a nice person."

I don’t understand how people don’t get this

It is terrifying. It means if you don’t adhere to their demands or if you make on little mistake, they can turn on you. I don’t deal with people who are nasty to others.

Fucking *this*.

http://notalwaysright.com/tip-of-the-entree-iceberg/27669

(It is a busy Saturday night. During the dinner rush, I have been dealing with a table of two 20-something year old men. The blonde one has found something to complain about every time I’ve walked by while the brown-haired one just blushes and stays quiet. They’ve finished their meal.)

Blonde Man: “Are you new here?”

Me: “No, sir. I’ve been a waitress here for two years and three years at [other restaurant] prior.”

Blonde Man: “Then you have no excuse for how terrible this service was. The salad was wilty, and the entree was way too cold, and you were nowhere to be found. Plus, this place is far too noisy; I could barely hear myself speak! Honestly, I get better service at a fast food place.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. While there isn’t much I can do about the noise, I did offer to bring you different food before, but you said no.”

Blonde Man: *waves me off* “Just bring me the check, and try not to be so slow about it for once.”

(I go and get the check, but when I return, the brown-haired man stands up and hands me a $20 bill.)

Brown-haired Man: “Here, this is your tip. He wasn’t going to give you one. As a former waiter myself, I thought you were doing a perfectly fine job. My food was great, and the service was fast even though you’re so busy right now.”

(He turns to his blonde companion.)

Brown-haired Man: “People like you made my job so much worse, especially for making us work that much harder for no tip. So thanks for the meal, but you can go ahead and delete my number because there will be no second date. And by the way,potjevleesch is supposed to be served cold, you idiot.”

(With that, he left the restaurant without his date. It made the whole night worth it, to see that blonde man speechless for once.)

Brown-haired Man is my hero.